Key Takeaway
Learning to deal with feelings and caring for yourself positively impacts not only you, but also your kids who rely on your strength and well-being.
Protective Factor
A supportive, stable, caring relationship with at least one adult is one of the most important protections against toxic stress. By nurturing yourself, you're better equipped to be a source of strength and understanding for your children. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish!
Caring for yourself isn’t all bubble baths and exercise, although that can definitely be part of it. Take care of your whole self. Think about caring for yourself:
Physically
Like exercise, eating healthy, practicing relaxing, and incorporating holistic healing practices such as massage
Mentally
Like learning, reading, reflecting or meditating
Emotionally
Like expressing emotions through art or journaling, or speaking with a therapist or Elder
Spiritually
Like volunteering in the community, taking part in prayer and ceremony, or connecting with nature
What feelings are you dealing with? Click below to explore some strategies to help cope with your feelings. Remember, as we are all unique and different strategies work better for different people - so try a few out and find out what best works for you!
Take your time
Separation and divorce can take some time, things might not get better overnight. Give yourself time to grieve and then adapt to your new normal. Be patient and kind with yourself!
Keep it steady
Sticking to your daily routine, such as a regular exercise class, as much as possible provides consistency and structure and can provide a sense of stability during uncertain times.
Be mindful
Learn and practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga. These methods can help calm your mind.
Take care of yourself
Nourish your body physically and emotionally. Eat healthy meals and try to get enough sleep! Be kind to yourself and do things that bring you joy. Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness
Distract Yourself
While we can’t run away from our feelings, it is okay and healthy to take a break! Escape for a bit into a movie, books, or binge a show.
Get help
If emotions become overwhelming, you can’t think about anything else, or they interfere with your day to day life. Consider talking to a professional like a therapist or a counsellor. They can provide a safe space for you to express your emotions and offer guidance, strategies and expert advice.
Pause before you react
If you start to feel frustrated and angry, take a break to cool down. Find a quiet place, take deep breaths or yell into a pillow. Think about what's making you upset. When you feel calmer, you can talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Wait 24 hours before firing off that angry email!
Practice gratitude
It’s easy to focus on all the bad that is going on. It’s much harder to see all the good. Take a minute to write down the good things in your life, and even about your relationship with your ex, and thank them. "I am grateful for what I learned in my past relationship."
Grieve
Whether you want to leave the relationship or not, allow yourself time to grieve. Take some time to feel your feelings and honour them. Take time to say goodbye to the hopes you had and the person you were in the relationship. Talk to a friend, counsellor, or write down your thoughts and feelings. Remember grieving is a necessary step in ultimately moving on.
Forgive and Let Go
Dwelling on some feelings can get you stuck in a cycle. Forgiving yourself or the person who hurt you is hard, but can feel like lifting a weight off your shoulders. If you are struggling, talk to a professional.
Schedule a worry time
If you find yourself dwelling or ruminating on negative thoughts, like you can’t stop thinking about worst case scenarios or thinking about bad things that happened in the past, time setting aside 15 to 30 minutes a day to focus on your worries. Put it in your calendar and set a timer. If you find yourself worrying about something outside of that time, tell yourself you have plenty of time to think about it during your worry time. During your worry time, worry all you want! Write down your worries if that helps. When the time is up, tell yourself it’s time to get back to the rest of your life.
Wellness
Be mindful of your relationship with substances like alcohol and other recreational drugs. Pay attention to your use and whether it is going up or down. While it is common to use substances to cope with stressful times, this can lead to negative outcomes. See Get help with substance use for resources in your area.
Protective Factor
You can help your kids learn emotional regulation and coping skills by modeling it in your own life. Talk about your feelings. Talk about what you are doing that helps you cope with your feelings. Remind your kids that they are not responsible for your feelings.