Helping with Changes

Ensure children feel at home in both places. If finances permit, your children should have essentials such as toothbrushes and other essential items available in both homes. This way they don’t feel like they are constantly packing up their whole life on each transition.

Give them a chance to make themselves feel comfortable, let them decorate their new space. Brainstorm things they would like to feel at home.

Avoid arguing or discussing legal matters during exchanges.

Stay positive about the child’s time with the other parent to avoid making them feel bad about enjoying their time. If conflict between you both is high, arrange for public or “contact free” exchanges such as one parent dropping off at school, and the other picking up.

Explore ways that you can delay the change until the beginning of a new school year when the transition is easier.

You can help them become familiar ahead of time with new bus or walking routes.

Younger kids might be reassured by visiting the school playground on an evening or weekend.

Explore the school website so you and your kid can become familiar.

Except in cases where the kid's safety or well-being are at risk, it is usually best for kids to have as much contact with each of their parents as possible.

Organizing for your kid to talk to their other parent every day is a good routine. Support them to make phone calls, send letters, cards, photographs and emails. One of the most loving things you can do for your children is to support their relationship with the other parent.

Let them know it’s ok and normal to miss the other parent when they are with you. Let them know you love them even when they are not with you.

See Parent Child Relationship Breakdown if a parent is absent or a child does not want to see a parent

If your children are old enough, be honest with them that things might be a bit difficult for a while but avoid burdening them with details or blaming the other parent for your financial situation. “We won’t be able to afford that right now” is perfectly fine.

Try to focus on doing low-cost activities: spend time in the park, create ‘forts’ out of pillows, blankets and chairs at home, have home movie nights and make pop-corn. Your kids will love just spending quality time with you. Local libraries are amazing resources for fun and free activities.

See Taking Control of Finances for information on how kids are impacted by finances and how to help.

Create an expectation/chore chart at each house with each member of the family’s roles or jobs. If possible, coordinate with the other parent so expectations are the same in each household.

Avoid overburdening your older kids with responsibilities beyond regular chores. Kids, especially older ones, might try to help out more when there's only one parent around. It's good to have their help, but it's also important for them to have time to just be kids. Encourage them to do their usual activities and spend time with friends.

Be thoughtful and reasonably cautious when introducing new partners to the children. Stability is best for kids so having new people come and go can be confusing.

Be honest with your kids in an age-appropriate manner about the new relationship. Reassure your kids that your new partner does not replace their other parent.

Be sensitive and avoid introducing new partners soon after a break up as it could increase conflict between you and the other parent. Keep the goal of minimizing conflict for your kid’s sake in mind. See New Partners and Blended Families.

They may change, temporarily or for a long time. It is common for some family members to take sides. 

Remind extended family to stay neutral about the break up around the kids and to not badmouth the other parent in front of the children.

During times of uncertainty, it is important to lean on your support network. If there are relatives who can remain focused on the well-being of the kids, your kids will benefit from seeing them as often as possible. See Friends, Family and Community for more guidance.

Your kids may also experience some positive changes. They may be relieved that any tension or fighting is reduced.

By spending more time alone with each parent, they might get to know each of you better and have better relationships with you. You and your former partner might even be happier and more fun to be with.