Key Takeaway
It's completely normal to feel a mix of emotions when your parents split. Your feelings are valid, even if they're painful. Remember, this won't last forever, and there are ways to cope.
Get Help
Visit Kids Help Phone and Mind Your Mind for extra support and resources when it comes to looking after your mental health.
What are you feeling?
Shock
Shock is a normal reaction to a traumatic experience. It's your body's way of protecting you in a difficult situation. Shock might make you feel dazed and distracted. Or it might make you just feel numb, or like crying all the time. This will eventually pass.
Confusion
If you don't have enough information about what is happening in your family and why, you will probably feel confused.
Guilt
Sometimes young people feel a sense of guilt when their parents split up, as though they are somehow responsible for what has happened. But parents split up because of problems in their relationship, not because of their kids. It's not your fault!
Anger
Once the shock begins to fade, you might feel really angry, especially at your parents for causing this to happen, for not working hard enough to prevent it, or for letting you down.Anger is a normal feeling that everyone experiences from time to time. It's okay to feel angry! But it's not okay if you act on it in ways that hurt you or others.
Anxiety
Anxiety is a really intense and uneasy feeling of being scared. It's a normal reaction when you feel like there's danger or things are unsure. When your parents are splitting up, there's a lot of stuff that's uncertain. It makes sense you’d feel anxious!
Relief
Some teens actually feel relieved when their parents split up, especially if there has been a lot of fighting, tension or violence between their parents. You don’t need to feel guilty about feeling relief!
Sadness
You might feel sad about the things you feel you’ve lost: your old life, the way your family used to do things, or seeing both your parents everyday. It's a lot like grieving when someone close to you has died. Grieving and feeling sad is a necessary and natural part of the process. It is okay to feel sad.
Embarrassment
When your parents split up, you might feel embarrassed. It's normal to feel awkward about your family situation or think it's uncool to show your feelings. But it's important to know that feeling this way is normal. Many teenagers have gone through the same thing. You might even know some. Remember to be kind to yourself and not judge your feelings.
False Hope
You may really believe that your parents will get back together and try very hard to make it happen. But this can be a way of denying what is really going on in order to protect yourself.Chances are your parents reached this point only after trying very hard to save their relationship, and their decision to split up is final. It's hard, but it's probably better for you to begin to accept the situation as it is so you can heal and move on.
Wellbeing
When you are feeling down, it is important to look after yourself and prioritize self care. Self care means doing something nice for yourself- this can look different for different people. For some, having a bubble bath and listening to music makes them feel better. For others, exercising or meeting with friends makes them feel better. Do what makes YOU feel good! See Self Care Strategies for more tips.
What's going on underneath your anger? Think of a time recently when you have been feeling angry; think about the situation and what had been going on for you that day. Have you had a difficult conversation with someone? Has something upset you? What other feelings had you been experiencing before you became angry?
Q&A
I'm feeling guilty. Was there something I did to cause it?
You are not the reason for your parents splitting up. Parents split up because of problems in their relationship. It's not your fault!
If my parents divorce, will the same thing happen to me?
Many teens whose parents split up feel anxious about their own relationships in the future. But just because your parents split up doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. What happens in your relationships will be up to you, not your parents!