Helping your children to deal with their feelings
From the time children learn about the upcoming separation/divorce and through the adjustment period, children will usually experience strong and varied feelings. Feelings are neither good nor bad. They just are. Actions, however, can have negative or positive consequences.
Most of us learned to deal with our feelings by trial and error, without parental guidance. Some people cope with unpleasant feelings like anger and anxiety by ignoring them. However, the feelings do not disappear; instead they manifest in different ways, such as illness or addictions. Others respond to unpleasant emotions by lashing out at others, either physically or verbally. Children need assistance learning to act on their feelings in a way that does not harm themselves or others.
Your children may express their feelings during the separation/divorce and transition period by acting out or regressing to younger behaviours. The first step to helping your children cope with their emotions is to help them identify what they are feeling. Next, validate their feelings with statements that tell them that the feeling is real and okay. Then help them to examine the causes behind the feeling. Finally, if appropriate, problem-solve. After all, unpleasant feelings are simply clues that something is wrong and may require action and attention.
Next: Identifying feelings
